Masturbation Differently for Men and Women

 


Beating off, jerking off, jacking off, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin — it's clear that men aren't lacking terms to describe masturbation. But no women's masturbation terms are as widely used. Don't believe me? Quick, how many slang terms for male masturbation can you name? And how many for women? I'm willing to bet you thought of less for women.

Sure, masturbation is still not exactly dinner conversation — yet for something that mostly everyone does, it's disheartening to see that the verbiage we use is still really gendered. And that's a bigger problem than it seems. There aren't enough terms for female masturbation in the pop culture lexicon for it to be a fair fight. Even terms that can be argued as having onomatopoeic roots for male masturbation like "wanking" and "fapping" have no female equivalent.

As Sali Tagliamonte, a linguistics professor at the University of Toronto, pointed out, "[M]ale masturbation is quite commonly discussed, particularly among males. In fact, when I asked male friends about [the gendered differences in masturbation euphemisms], they said the same thing. Interestingly, when females report that they hear words for female masturbation, it is typically from men."

Weirdly, thinking back to all the instances where I've had to roll my eyes at slang terms aimed at women like "flick the bean" or "DJing," it's all been because men have brought them up. Most women just refer to it as "masturbating" when speaking to other women, right?

It's no wonder women rarely use these terms. Seriously, have you ever thought about just how cringe-y the terms for female masturbation are? Flicking the bean? Jilling off? DJing? Really? And why is the male jerk-off action seen in every other buddy film accepted as a universal pantomime of disrespect but there's no female equivalent?

A cursory Google search finds that many of the other euphemisms for female masturbation are also much more passive than their male equivalent. From the straight-up derivative "jilling off," to "dialing the rotary phone," to "knitting," female euphemisms are much more passive and gentle than the heightened, aggressive terms associated with male masturbation. It's frustrating to see men's sexuality associated so strongly with aggression and violence (i.e. beating off, choking the chicken, whacking off, spanking the monkey, etc.) This culture of toxic masculinity doesn't leave a lot of room for healthy attitudes about female pleasure. While men refer to masturbation as "spanking" and "beating," even the more active terms for women are boiled down the harmless "flick."

Sure, it's just slang that's being discussed here but it's also indicative of a larger problem. In an ideal world, the male terms wouldn't be violent or aggressive terms to be watered down and repackaged as appropriate for female consumption. And antiquated '50s household activities shouldn't all be a stand-in for female masturbation either. Describing masturbation as "dialing a rotary phone" or "knitting" is so ridiculous and perpetuates sexual identity as a binary: Men are violent and aggressive and women just sit around wearing sweaters with pointy bras, doing household chores all day.

I have an idea: Everyone should stop using lame-o euphemisms to describe masturbation, regardless of gender identity. It's clear that the way people do speak about masturbation is all through the lens of the cis male gaze anyway. To still speak about masturbation through thinly veiled and low-hanging euphemisms is boring. Gendered versions of the same term don't do anything but enforce outdated stereotypes. After all, isn't it ironic that all these euphemisms are just stemming from an inability to use the original, gender-less term: masturbation?